The Twelve Days of Agents

I can't seem to shut up about this. Sing to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas. With feeling. And Gusto.

The Twelve Days of Literary Agents ©

On the first day of querying, an agent sent to me,
A “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the second day of querying, an agent sent to me,
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the third day of querying an agent sent to me,
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the fourth day of querying an agent sent to me,
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the fifth day of querying an agent sent to me,
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the sixth day of querying an agent sent to me,
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the seventh day of querying an agent sent to me,
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the eighth day of querying, an agent sent to me,
Eight “not interested” messages
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the ninth day of querying, an agent sent to me,
Nine “I’ve retired” memos
Eight “not interested” messages
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the tenth day of querying an agent sent to me,
Ten “not the right agent” answers
Nine “I’ve retired” memos
Eight “not interested” messages
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the eleventh day of querying an agent sent to me,
Eleven “must be recommended” advisements
Ten “not the right agent” answers
Nine “I’ve retired” memos
Eight “sorry not interested” messages
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE.

On the twelfth day of querying an agent sent to me,
Twelve “not keen on the story” remarks
Eleven “must be recommended” advisements
Ten “not the right agent” answers
Nine “I’ve retired” memos
Eight “sorry not interested” messages
Seven “please try elsewhere” missives
Six “going to take a pass” notes
Five “addressee unknowns” envelopes
Four cookie cutter form letters
Three no new clients notices
Two “does not fit our needs” responses
And a “not right for us” in my SASE. ©