Tuesday, September 01, 2009

What Bernie Madoff and I have in common

Would you believe Formica counters? Bernie's beach house on the eastern tip of Long Island is for sale. Fab ocean views from everyroom, a big dramatic living room with a fireplace. Zowie, looked pretty good to me, but the web article was kind of snarky.

Apparently the Madoff's didn't update often enough. The bedrooms were "rather small" and the kitchen had (Hannah bar the door!) formica counters. Oh my god. How could anyone live with formica counters? I mean, if it's not granite or Corian it has to be marble, slate, or some upscale material.

Formica for God's sake! How plebian, how low. Shouldn't a beach house be absolutely fabulous with bountiful bedrooms and total, glitz? Glitz up the ying-yang. Antiques, bric-a-brac, fancy, schmancy. What did they expect guests to do? Go to the beach? Admire the view? Cook gourmet meals in the formica kitchen? OMG.

Bernie, how could you? So the interior is dated. So what?

I think the realtors were complaining. They might have got a few more mil if old Bernie has anted up for a modern kitchen. Granite, mind you, none of this formica sh_.

A confession. We have a 20 year old kitchen with only a new fridge and a new dishwasher. Yup, 20 year old formica. A modest, 4-burner stove. Euro-style cabinents. To me, it looks pretty good. Nice window over the sink, room to eat, plenty of shelves for the cookbooks, an antique icebox we use as a bar. Where's the glitz? What? Only one dishwasher? How can I cook with only 4 burners and one oven. Actually, make that 3 burners.

I am so deprived that I'm depraved. I hang my head in shame. Formica counters! Ye gods.

What is she thinking?

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