Mirror, mirror on the Wall

The Elizabethans (I think) were somewhat obsessed with holding up a mirror to society. If we look at our poetry, our popular music, our literature (A Million Little Lies), our television and the obsessions of our popular culture, (Paris Hilton and her fellow celebrities) then we can discover who we are. Oh dear! That’s not who I want to be.

Every week I clip a few coupons out Sunday's paper. This week, gearing up for Super Bowl Sunday, there were Coupons Galore! I took a step back and really looked at them. Is this a mirror of what we eat? What we are supposed to eat? Yeechhh! What crap they trying to get us to buy?

Out of 147 coupons:
Regular food, nothing fresh but nothing too disgusting: 16 coupons

Snack food: Sweet Baby Ray's Gourmet Sauce and a $10 mail in rebate for the indoor crock-pot bbq-pit led off the ads. I couldn't decide whether Weight Watchers Frozen Novelty bars, Manischewitz chocolate covered tam tam crackers, or the cans of Pringles were the most disgusting. It's a tie! 15 coupons

Garbage food you'd never want to actually eat: Another tie between any product named "country crock" something called Manwich, or beef stew in a can. Eeewwww. Tofu Steak? Gross 15 coupons

Cleaning products: to get rid of the mess left from opening all those cans, bags and boxes. Tidy up the microwave. No one actually cooks anymore. Not in Snackland, USA. 15 coupons

Vitamins and patent medicines: to counteract all the non-fresh, non-food food, like a "country crock spread." What in god's name is that, anyway? Spread? As in middle-aged? I don't know. Buy some Gas-X 12 Coupons.

Dog and Cat: Best one was the St. Francis Pet Medal for your cat or dog. I am not making this up. 11 coupons

Mouth and Teeth: after ingesting the plastic snacks and other garbage, it's always a good idea to practice oral hygiene. How do you spell hygiene anyhow? Rinse away the stuck particles. 11 Coupons

Cosmetics: kids, after all that junk food, you don't look so good. Take remedial action. 11 Coupons.
Hair: Maybe good hair will disguise bad nutrition. 10 coupons

Air Fresheners: While I was writing books and stuff, a whole new product class came into the coupon world. Somebody tell me what a sensories machine and the senories discs are. Sounds like snake oil. Does the house really smell that bad? Hey, buy some of the cleaning products and cosmetics. Give Fido a bath. Stop smoking. Docsphere air freshener? Make the house smell like new mown hay. 7 coupons

Paper Products: ho hum. 5 coupons

Icky Clothes. Reverse the aging process with ugly bras and girdles and miracle therapy gloves. Active Joe relax slax? You go girl! 4 coupons
Cloy: 1) Good Fortune Charm Bracelet, 2) Irish Nativity 3) Eyes of Love (smarmy dog painting) on a plate 4) and Paw Prints on our Hearts. It doesn't get more saccharine that this. 4 Coupons

Soap and Deodorant: For you, not the house. Take a shower with a friend. 4 coupons

Photos: Take before and after you use the hair and cosmetics, and definitely before you eat all that crap 3 Coupons

Diapers: baby don't need new shoes: 3 Coupons

This is a mirror into our society. Take a good look. Run like hell.